This contribution to militant feminism was started in the latter half of 2000 by me for various reasons, foremost among them being Screwed Up Girl's (to whom this list is dedicated to) Screwed-up-ness, as well as boredom, a surfeit of time, sheer boliao-ness and disgust at the feminist movement.

Many of the items on this list might sound stereotyped, but cliches persist and endure because they are often true. If you're upset at my being a Male Chauvinist Pig or misogynist, tough - don't shoot the messenger or poison the well. If you think the whole thing is rubbish, I must congratulate you on being a very un-screwed-up female and/or having un-screwed-up female friends.

Finally, contrary to popular belief, this list was compiled through observation, interviews, research and contributions; list items were not made up. Hell, some were even sent in by girls - so enjoy!

 

Comments / contributions are heartily welcomed for correction, elaboration and expansion of this list.

Naturally, items on this list may be indulged in by males as well (even me), and not all apply to all females ("How Girls Waste Time /= "How All Girls Waste Time"). Males are screwed up as well, albeit in different ways. The second part of the list's name is Kairen's suggestion.


1. On the phone / gossiping / talking / whining

2. Makeup and accessories - hair (wearing hairbands around their necks and letting their hair flop around their eyes - I mean I don't care if your hair is in your eyes... but if you have a hairband, wear it!), bodily or other (eg pets, possessions and other people)

3. Shopping, especially window - and most especially for things they don't want, just for the thrill of it.

3. a) Bargaining for the sake of bargaining, even when the price is already very low - "a man is someone who pays $2 for a $1 item he wants. a woman is someone who pays $1 for a $2 item she doesn't want"

3. b) Spending 3 hours and $5 in fuel/transport fees to travel to some sub-urban warehouse to save $0.30 on toilet paper because it is "cheap"

4. Sighing, obsessing (eg: omg what did he mean when he said: 'I'm going to sleep'?!! how?!what
dossit mean?!!") or giggling about crushes / doing other requisite things with sighing - 6 hours compared to guys' 5 minutes for the works / writing stories involving them & their crushes

4. a) Giggling in their sleep about crushes.

4. b) Smsing like crazed addicts during class to their crushes.

4. c) Being kaypoh (nosey) and trying to find out what their friends' crushes look like, stalking them to see if they are going to meet their crushes, stealing friends' handphones to find out what their crushes' handphones numbers are. And teasing them about their crushes.

5. Hair (includes blowjobs on wet/dry hair and styling, playing and accessorising, rebonding, hair extensions, perming/using curlers, cutting it whenever they undergo some great emotional change / trauma)

6. Nails (manicure, filing, buffing, embossing, painting with horrid colours, drawing of measle-like dots)

7. Shaving (or other forms of hair removal - waxing, tweezing, hair removal cream or laser), especially regretful when not done thoroughly, leaving 'shadow'

8. Reading the surfeit of redundant, gushy, sex-obsessed, overpriced, sappy and soppy girly and self-improvement magazines on the market which just make them feel yet more inadequate, starting a vicious circle which leads to more purchases of said mags

9. Daydreaming (aka fantasising)

10. "Cute" stuff (real or contrived) - including dolls, origami, soft toys and fads (Tare Panda - on drugs, squashed by a steamroller and stepped on, Hello Kitty - no mouth, Powerpuff Girls - sickly 'sweet' voices reminiscent of the smell of decaying flesh, Qoo drink's mascot - one ear, Disgusting Chick [Groovy Chick] stationery etc...)

11. Colour coding / decorating things (esp those with obsessive compulsive disorder) - writing their names on their notes in fanciful fonts / Doodling / vandalising friends' notes with flowers etc / sparkles on handphone screens? / Squirting fabric paint on the insides of their belt/shoes/bag/lockers/files/whatever they get their hands and fabric paint on

11. a) Decorating their possessions endlessly with various loud, garish and distasteful patterns, getting upset at their prior work when their moods change with the movement of various heavenly bodies, then trying to cover or eradicate all traces of their previous attempts and start again

11. b) Drawing cute pictures (flowers, cartoons, hearts, etc...) on each other's body parts (thighs, legs, hands, arms, palms, neck, face, etc...)

12. irc/icq/M$N/chat/Friendster (so desperate NS guys can ogle at their pictures)/other internet communication

12. a) Compulsive email forwarding syndrome, especially "cute", "sweet" or "meaningful" ones, where the probability of forwarding rises with the attachments' size, stupidity and/or how annoying they are

12. b) Racking their brains for hours just to think up a sexy msn nickname

13. Long baths / long times in bathrooms, in addition to long changing times

14. Little notes on sparkly perfumed light purple paper with fluorescent pink ink, decorated with various grotesque shapes and entities

15. Perfecting printed handwriting (usually small / invisible) / writing in 'cute' font (or 6 different colours and pen tip sizes)

16. Silly and incomprehensible jokes/antics on guys (even other girls)

17. Giggling or laughing at everything and nothing / squealing (sometimes like small girls) (even over vegetables?) / yelping / screaming / shrieking (eg playing ball games - when they catch/throw the ball, when the ball comes near/almost hits them, when insects come near) / jumping up and down

17. a) Entering into interminable giggling fits with other girls

17. b) Running around screaming - a human surround sound system

18. Ogling "cute" guys (often squealing) - In NJC, bored girls rate guys coming out of the toilets : '0', '10', '-5,', 'hopeless'. Sometimes, if they're bored they say the ratings out loud so the guys can hear / admiring other girls

18. a) Keeping a look out for friends' eyecandies and reminding their friends that "he's coming this way!" / "he's behind us now!"

19. comparing br****s, legs, hips, butts, waistlines and figures, and boyfriends' penis sizes when older

20. romance novels / sappy movies (giving girls false ideas about sex and love, leading to future disappointment and pain, being cheated on by AC guys and making them extremely screwed up)

21. Looking in the mirror / pretending (or deluding themselves, as the case might be) that they're very sexy or chio (pretty)

21. a) Complaining about their body parts eg thighs are too fat, arms too big etc, when they stand in front of the mirror

22. "Nice" stuff as gifts for others which invariably takes a long time to make / staying up until 5 am to make little 'thank you' cards for everyone in their cca/class/both/everyone they know.. half of which get tucked into a corner and forgotten/throw away and trashed anyway

23. Extended periods of time locked in the bedroom performing unspeakable acts

24. Being fussy with food / destroying their digestive systems - being anorexic (3 fishballs for a meal!?), protein diet, prolonged detox, bingeing, sharing portions of food meant for 1 person with 1 or 2 other anorexic girls (eg 5 girls sharing 1 muffin), eating very often but very little each time, starving themselves for months at a time and then pigging out during sleepovers

25. Beautification - real or psychological (exfoliating scrub, toner, blue tracing paper [aka blotting paper], face/skin lightening cream, facials, nail polish, bust enhancement/implants, eyebrow shaping, eyelash curling, revealing clothes, various other varieties of snake oil) and then feeling offended and objectified when men look at them admiringly. Either that or trying to look like a guy

26. Cooking (often not finishing or even eating the food)

26. a) Baking cakes/cookies/pastry and then complaining about how they're so lousy at it while the boys wolf everything up double quick.

27. Holding hands while waving and skipping / bouncing / bounding around

27. a) Holding another girl's hand and swinging it up and down repeatedly, like a swing

28. Whining / fretting that they're fat / look fat / have a big butt (despite weighing 30 kgs and eating less than a Somali on a diet) and professing to be willing to enter Obedience School (BMT) to shed the 23kg that I did, regardless of its horrors, while constantly reassuring other distraught girls that they themselves are stick-thin

28. a) Engaging in solipsistic arguments about how they're hungry but don't want to gain weight

28. b) Jumping madly/skipping meals/not drink water and dehydrating themselves... just to weigh less

28. b) i) Running away from the crowd with the weighing balance during PE lessons --- to make sure others can't see the figure

28. b) ii) When being weighed during PE lessons, hesitating between changing to PE attire or remaining in school uniform ---- some want to be weighed in both and see which outfit's lighter

28. c) Whining / fretting that they're fat, ugly or have too many pimples while saying all their friends are pretty (even if they aren't in the first place; this is also done so by association they'll be considered pretty too) - in reality it's just a perverse game they play so people - especially distressed boyfriends - will assure them that they truly do look good or are slim

28. c) i) Constantly complaining that they are inferior and stuff about low-self esteem, but blowing up when you say something that is true about their weaknesses

29. Sparkle / milky / scented pens (sometimes with weird things attached to the end) / glitter

29. a) Conducting a pen parade - Laying out all their pens according to colour, brand, etc

30. Deciding what to wear (esp considering outfit + shoes)

31. Spending enormous amounts of time in front of music shops gazing at posters of the latest "cute" Jap singer

32. Devising lists to contribute to militant chauvinism / other acts against the dominant "oppressive" social order / being chauvinist

33. Spending hours in their rooms struggling with a needle and thread trying to raise the hem of their school skirt

33. a) Folding their PE shorts/skirts/culottes up to make them shorter. "The RJ equivalent, I heard, is to sew it shorter then 'weigh it down with cotton wool to prevent flapping'. o__O"

34. Acting cute (often failing, sometimes grossing people out) eg making baby noises, pouting, posing etc

35. Taking endless repetitive character/personality tests or quizzes (or some other form of evaluation), sometimes more than once, despite their patent lack of predictive or explanatory value / evaluating their psyche / going for therapy and/or psychoanalysis to assuage their insecurities and bring some grounding into their lives

36. Fashion [disasters] (butt-hugging, butt-cheek-revealing hot shorts!!!, very short, ankle or even heel revealing hot socks, midriff baring outfits, especially when they are chubby, all manner of garish coloured outfits, appalingly coloured/designed sports bras, those horrible head scarfs [bandanas], gigantic hoop earrings, ghastly accessories).

37. Gushing over "touching" and/or "romantic" (read: mushy) stuff

38. Games involving one or more of the following: co-operation, co-ordination, hand movements and clapping. And inevitably, lots of giggling. (Eg: Strawberry Shortcake)

38. a) Playing games involving slapping/biting with each other

39. Compulsive photo-taking / photo-sticker disorder (Group shots in buses [2S06A'01], Andrew Gan eating a sundae pie, their meals [possibly to count calories and keep themselves going when they're starving themselves], group shots in the toilet (because they already spend so much time in there and need souvenirs of the 'good' times), more than 40 pictures from just sitting at Raffles City's Starbucks for an hour)

39. a) Self-taken pictures of themselves / themselves and their friends in funny poses when they're pretending that they're very pretty

39. b) In their friendster profiles, and whatever else profile they put up on the net as a lame excuse to put their picture up - always some doe-eyed, upward shot of their face staring up as if they're giving some sort of blowjob and the guy took a picture from up there while she's getting it on.

39. c) Exchanging pictures taken as part of 39. - 39. b)

40. Flirting with each other and generally acting completely lesbian when exclusively in the company of girls.

40. a) Touching / pulling / hugging / leading each other

41. Taking unearthly amounts of time to perform unspeakable acts in the toilet, usually together with other girls in toilet outings, waiting for everyone to be done before leaving and chatting non-stop, delaying themselves considerably; in the meantime doing dumb things like splashing water, mashing toilet paper to throw on the ceilings, sometimes adding enough water to make them fall on their friends ('only netball girls do that'), gossiping and bitching endlessly and coming out hyperventilating and taking group photos; as a result of which, they waste 5 times as much time queuing for toilets as men

41. a) Trying to perfect the art of hover pissing because of the erroneous fear that they will catch something if they sit on the toilet seat. In the end they take three times as long but still end up dirtying the toilet seat (encouraging yet more women to hover-piss)

41. b) Freshening up every 10 minutes even where there is no need to

41. c) Shower outings because they're afraid that they'll be eaten by grues

42. Obsessing and overreacting over trivialities (and getting angry over minor perceived transgressions) / being overly sensitive or petty (eg girls having a spat amongst themselves about how they shouldn't be friends because so-and-so didn't give so-and-so a Valentine's Day present)

42. a) Breaking up perfectly good friendships over some minor, trivial issue

42. b) Getting pissed off if a friend's effort/gifts are not commensurate with the ones she herself puts in/gives.

43. Talking about / Shopping for extra clothes to fill the already burgeoning closet(s) / shoes to topple the overloaded shoe racks

43. a) Going "I'll just walk in here to take a look" and taking 3 hours to try on 2 outfits - one spagetti strap top and another spagetti strap top. The only thing is that they're in different colours.

44. Drawing up elaborate lists detailing their "ideal" man, including in them qualities such as "sensitive", "thoughtful", "caring" and "good listener" (ie They want a "nice guy") and exchanging them with other similarly emotionally disturbed girls, then falling head over heels in love with the first jerk, alpha male or lying bastard (ie The antithesis) who comes along

44. a) Describing their ideal man to their Intellectual Whore, not realising they're describing him to a tee, then going for jerks anyway.

44. b) Swearing to hate all guys forevermore after the latest jerk has cheated on them, then going for another jerk on their rebound anyway.

44. c) Confusing the hell out of all the men interested in them - what women say they want, what women think they want and what women really want aren't always the same.

45. Being racked with indecision, vacillating constantly

45. a) Swinging between 2 (or more?) extremes

46. Writing notes to people they already talk to (and/or see) everyday, often on free postcards, even if they are right next to them

46. a) SMSing people sitting just across the table from them, or in the next row in class.

47. Hugging files to their bosoms tightly (sometimes closing their eyes and shaking to and fro when they think no one is looking)

48. Practicing inane actions that they think make them attractive to boys, eg. Blinking, fluttering eyelids, batting eyelashs, sucking in their cheeks, swaying their hips

49. Breaking down inexplicably, taking the rest of their clique with them / "happy also cry, sad also cry"

50. Being squeamish over the littlest things

51. Boybands (ogling, fantasising, singing their songs, making fun of them [for those not totally caught up])

52. Taking forever to eat but never finishing their food (because they're full, on a diet, too busy whining about being fat, have played with their food till it becomes inedible or are multi-tasking)

53. Coming up with and struggling to keep to diet plans which they don't need in the first place

54. Dotting their 'i's and 'j's with hearts and circles

55. Carrying around a surfeit of stationery - eg 30 of the funny highlighter pens with a marker on one side, and a pen on the other / owning about a million bags + pencil cases + wallets (purses) + handphone covers to match their mood/clothes/bedsheets/room color/menstrual flow and what not

56. Naming/giving life to their stuff (eg sweaters, female figures on carousels)

57. Talking / complaining about their periods (according to Melvin)

58. Talking about virginity and also on the subject of losing it - when (also according to Melvin) (confirmed by a girl)

59. Talking about guys

60. Getting presents for people for the most trivial reasons / occasions

61. Playing with each other's hair (One day in the RJ canteen, I saw some J2s girls: one's hair was being braided into 2 pigtails by 3 others and 4 spectators looked on), bouncing or tugging fringes and ponytails

62. In RGS, the girls watch sunrises through school windows

62. a) In RGS and RJC, the girls fold the sleeves of their blouses -- to differentiate themselves from the guys? I thought the skirt would do.

62. a) i) In RGS, reminding each other to fold their sleeves and sometimes folding them for others.

63. Carrying around [miniscule] [hand]bags which can barely hold anything

64. Complaining about guys and expecting them to be as screwed up as they are

65. Playing the guessing game, leading to mutual hurt, distrust and vituperation:
A: I'm pissed with you
B: What's wrong?
A: If you don't know what's wrong, I shan't tell you!

66. Discussing weird stuff eg whether they sleep naked

67. Attaching bells, mini-soft toys or assorted dangling things to their bags, ankles or mobile phones

68. Hurting or mutilating themselves when they're stressed, bored, depressed or have just been dumped (pricking, cutting and the like)

69. Talking about those inanely pervasive soap(opera)s. The type that can get really confusing if you don't watch them.

70. Faking cramps so they don't have to do PE

70. a) In pinafored schools, faking that they're not wearing a bra so they don't have to do PE

71. Being kiddy

72. Acting Bimbo

72. a) Being butch to gain popularity

73. Fawning over babies / animals

74. Quarrelling/catfight/"friendly bickering" over stupid pens or the like

75. Moving in pairs (sometimes packs)

76. Getting green eyed when they see a prettier girl, pretending to fawn on her and later backstabbing her

77. Reading/watching Yaoi (and other sorts of manga and anime) and writing fan fiction (usually slash) and drawing fan art, despite Japs being portrayed as either mindless, brooding or psychotic (or a combination of the above) (This entry is specifically dedicated to Yaoi Girl :) )

78. Nagging persistently (exemplified by most grandmothers and mothers)

79. Trying to matchmake their friends (most popular among those already attached)

80. Being insecure and paranoid

81. In St Margaret's, the girls make a game of ripping each other's ties off, thus releasing the zips of the blouses which fall some way, depending on how hard the ties are pulled

82. Professing their love to each other and asking their friends if they love them too. If their friends say no, they get angry.

82. a) Forming families with a mother, father, brother, sister, hubby, darling, maid, pet turtle, pet dog, pet cat, neighbour, sister in law and brother in law and such because they were emotionally abused as children and need a support network, where one's role is dependent on one's looks/behavior/sexual orientation. Eg dogs whine and cats are annoying

83. Having a compulsive, morbid fascination with the colour Pink

83. a) Having a compulsive, morbid fascination with various shades of any other colours, eg white, light blue, purple, orange

84. Cakes and pictures and more cakes and more pictures at every juncture/occasion/whatever reason they can think of

85. Forming cliques and swearing loyalty, then chatting and screaming and talking about their boyfriends so loudly anyone can hear them anyway

85. a) Having 10 so-called Best Friends but ignoring them in their times of need.

86. Complaining they have no money and then blowing 50 bucks on new clothes that they don't need

87. Spending hours and hours cutting and pasting pictures of their friends and pasting them into collages in their folders... Then throwing them away to start a new collage again, destroying perfectly good pictures of people in the process

88. Mutilating/wasting their diaries when they change their boyfriend and can't stand seeing their ex boyfriend's name in the diary

89. Making people wait. And wait.

90. Practicing being/pretending to be ignorant about certain things (usually involving dirty work: changing tyres, light-bulbs, etc) so that guys will be duped into helping them.

90. a) Waiting for help to arrive rather than helping themselves: when guys are around, suddenly being incapable of doing the simplest things for themselves at all, eg getting a straw

91. Reading lists like this so they can flame the author :)

91. a) Write extensive rants about lists they were offended by, such as this one, nitpicking each and every sentence with spelling/grammar-error filled rebuttals such as "omg ur teh fagit cos u hate womyn", and "men ar like soooooooooooooooo dum". Often, the rants end up being much longer than the list itself.

92. Walking ridiculously slowly, often being distracted by frivolous/trivial things along the way, and so ending up taking twice as long to do something as is necessary.

93. Singing nonsensical little ditties that they make up

94. Making either a) pastel coloured blogs with lots of pictures of cute stuffed toys and hearts, exclamation marks, animated gifs/marquees, horrific grammar and observations about boys who are "very cuuuutte... but mi scared to tok to him lor.. nvr see b4... teeheehee" or b) pastel or red-and-black blogs with strange titles on each entry "lace bleeding along my thighs" / "whimsical rhapsodies playing in my cranium" and general moody bitching that comes straight ouf ot a Tori Amos song.

95. Taking neoprints of themselves and their friends in every possible factorial combination. (eg. 3 friends will take 6 neoprints to represent all the possible positions - ABC, ACB, BAC, BCA, CAB, CBA)

95. a) Pasting said neoprints all over their calculators and files.

96. Spending hundreds of dollars to change their hairstyle to make them look completely different and then getting offended when people don't recognise them anymore.

97. Spending that much extra time to ensure that every inch of their handphone covers are festooned with neoprints and hello kitty stickers, configuring true tunes for individual callers, downloading logos, only to replace their phone a month later, usually on parents/boyfriend's largesse.

98. Watching patiently and nodding as you explain to them how to perform IT related tasks such as burning things onto CDs or configuring desktop settings, and saying "yes i know" to your repeated admonitions, only to call you for help the very second you're out of sight.

99. Spending all their time making lucky chatterboxes/flower games/lotus flowers/Guan Yin Ma's Seat /cootie catcher (those folding things we played with as kids, the ones which usually have some "fortune" written on a petal and you open and close it to some jingle and then pick one petal to "open"?) - actually writing all the fortunes themselves and then getting pissed off when they pick one they didn't like.

100. An unending preoccupation with marriage/fantasising about marriage

100. a) Adopting the last name of each new boyfriend that comes along and writing it all over notebooks and folders in nothing other than sparkle pens and girly fonts etc...

100. b) Adopting their favourite celeb's name - Mrs Carter was in for 5 years, and Mrs Di'Caprio for 2, even using them on the radio, and coming up with names for their kids

101. Reading tabloids and/or watching celebrity shows, making lengthy discussions about them as though they were breakthroughs in science.

102. Plotting tactics for winning arguments with men. But wait a minute. Men never do the talking in the arguments anyway, nor do they start them.

103. Watching taped episodes of reality TV shows, sometimes pausing the scenes to "capture the essence".

104. Buying and listening to "music" made by the latest popstar on MTV, BET, VH1, Disney, or other mind-rotting TV channel.

105. Arguing with people over their taste in music, because the other party listens to a music genre they don't like.

106. Buying expensive or exotic food that they will not eat, and arguing with anyone who finally eats the food because they "planned on eating it later".

107. Spending in excess of 100 dollars on soaps, lotions, and bathroom ornaments that can be easily bought at a local dollar store.

108. Signing up for credit cards, using them all up on fashion and other useless junk, and crying about having no money to pay back the loan sharks who call them regularly. Then they'll still blow their income on said fashion and useless junk.

109. Making expansive hand gestures repeatedly

110. Imputing undue importance to certain essentially meaningless dates (eg First pet's death anniversary, conjunction of certain designated heavenly bodies, day and time of first hickey given by boyfriend), then kicking up a big fuss if they are not adequately commemorated

110. a) Imputing undue importance to certain essentially meaningless facts about themselves (eg Volume of flow, crests of biorhythms, favourite texture of parquet), then kicking up a big fuss if they are not remembered

111. Analysing and cross-analysing in excruciating detail the words and actions of others, often reading into them implicit meanings that don't actually exist, and seeing daggers where there are none (which explains why girls like to do Literature)

112. Using PMS and their gender as excuses to get things/get away with things.

113. Talking in great detail about menstrual cycles and the like, just to gross guys out

114. The adoration of boys who look like girls. See F4, 5566, Orlando Bloom as Legolas, etc.

114. a) A subset of this is reading Japanese manga where the males are distinguishable only by their slightly narrower eyes and wider jaws. And inevitably, these manga will feature falling flower petals and sparkling eyes at some point or the other.

115. Being fag hags. If a girl is a fag hag, she will start up on every single straight-identifying man in the vicinity by asking loaded questions like, "Come on. Would you sleep with a guy if you really had to?" and then proclaiming they are either gay and/or in denial. Then she'll start matchmaking even straight guys together. See: Yaoi/slash fangirl.

115. a) Being a fag hag hopelessly in love with a gay man, and gushing about him all the time to her gal pals who think she's crazy... while rejecting advances from straight guys and then complaining she cant get a boyfriend

116. Being passive-aggressive. "I'm not mad at you. Really. ...WTF YOU ARE SO ANNOYING OMG."

117. Making fun of guys who indulge in anything from the above list. And using metrosexual as an insult.

118. Dabbing and shaking off the salt from french fries because otherwise it's "too fattening"

119. Entering Pavlovian fits of ecstasy when they see a food they like (eg Brownies, Takopachi, Cheescake, Tiramisu), then, after gorging on them, complaining about weight gain and the need to exercise.

120. Keeping letters in their wallets. Loveletters, friend letters, secret letters. They're all there.

121. Finding (often lame) reasons to meet up with each other to reaffirm their sacred feminine bond of friendship by giggling at cute waiters

122. Laughing at really lame jokes

123. Whining about men not being chivalrous or gentlemanly while refusing to conform to archaic and sexist notions of proper gender behavior themselves

123. a) Arguing for equal status with males but constantly posing as "a girl who needs your help"

124. Using physical appearance as a proxy for self-worth

124. a) Assuming others use their physical appearance as proxies for their valuations of them

125. Asking their significant others questions which have no right answer. eg "Am I fat?", "Does my butt look big in this?"

126. Living life by the adage: 'If you have it, flaunt it. If you don't, bitch about those who do'

127. Peppering stupid symbols such as "<3" and "%" all over blogs and tagboard messages.

128. Backstabbing other girls and then later complaining that they hate backstabbers, or vice versa.

128. a) More generally, complaining that hate people who do something and then doing that same thing.

129. Holding grudges against other girls for half their lifetimes over petty issues like forgetting to flush the toilet; women are like elephants - they never forget

130. Writing/reading fanfiction to vicariously live out their fantasies.

131. Appending "-ie and -y" to everyone's names, nouns, random objects. such as "debbie, dawnie, sabby, joey" and "classie, doggie, baggie" to be cute.

132. Dropping to others hints so light as to be non-existent, and then slamming them for not being psychic and able to apply literature skills to divine the hints' true meaning

132. a) Refusing to say what's bothering them and then flaring up when they're upset, often blaming others for not knowing why they were bothered.

133. Telling people random cryptic bits of information which they will not elaborate on to satisfy their inane urge to tell someone about some significant event, yet refusing to elaborate so as to maintain some aura of mystery, resulting in the other party becoming agitated.

133. a) Screwing with people's heads (what is colloquially referred to as a "mindfuck")

134. Initiating break ups and regretting them in one day/minute

135. Spending half the time of lectures/tutorials commenting or disseminating info on the teacher's voice/speed/teaching style/look(including everything top to toe)/relatives/significant others/children blah blah blah

136. Using a "cute" notebook to record down SMSes/emails/mails etc sent by/to their sweethearts

137. Whining about buying expensive birthday presents while wishing for others to give them gifts which are as expensive as possible

138. Buying weird toys, eg. a monkey/dog with long limbs, and claiming that they love animals while torturing the poor toys, eg. twisting, turning and binding the limbs of the dog together

139. Constantly obssessing over why their boyfriends/fiances/husbands will not say "I love you" to them

140. Having sensitive physiologies and being picky about every minor aspect of their environment

141. Pretending that their group of friends is hot and funky

142. Not allowing their friends to touch their belongings, getting anal about friends looking at their EZ-link card pictures.

143. Having this annoying fetish about being giggly, and breathy, and speaking in high, squeaky voices

144. Having a consummate need to knit little hoodies for random objects, like tissue paper boxes and their unbelievably tiny yippy dogs

145. Flirting outrageously even though they have absolutely no interest at all.

146. Snapping other girls' bras and going around hitting other girls' butts.

147. Making grand but meaningless and puerile gestures.

148. Burying their phones at the bottom of their bags and ensconcing them in pouches so by the time they fish them out incoming calls have been diverted to voicemail, if they can even hear the phones ringing in the first place

149. Refusing to tell people when they're annoyed because they want to be nice and then blowing up without warning when they can't contain themselves any longer.

150. Having too many bags and thus having to spend time making sure each has a wallet, tissue paper, sanitary pads/tampons, comb/hair brush etc.

150. a) Walking out of the house with a bag which lacks one or more of the above, resulting in disastrous consequences (eg Running around bleeding).

 

With thanks to those who contributed
Johann, Yunxin, Clarisse, Loraine, Andrew, Kenneth, Shawn, Geraldine, Melvin Tay Poh Huat, Liying, Grace, Jiamin, Petrina, qian, The Associate aka He Who Must Not be Named aka mindgame aka nw.t., Gail eekypooh, Yucheng, Jac, huiz, Charisse, Ban Xiong, shl, The Fell Bat, My Favourite Test Tube Washer, Andrea et al., all those on the Comments page and several who choose to remain anonymous :)

 

 

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